Star Trek: Discovery, episode 5

War war war war, Michael Burnham war. War, war war war, war spore drive war war. War Klingons war tardigrade war war. Captain Lorca punches Klingons, someone dies, I don’t care. Cue opening credits.

Another ‘exciting’ episode of Star Trek: Discovery, where nothing is discovered, they don’t go anywhere no one has gone before, and instead growl about war and punch each other for 50 minutes.

At least we get Captain Saru this episode! Neat, maybe he’ll take over the ship and run things differently and do sciency things and not care so much about war and whatever boring shit Lorca had planned.

Harry Mudd tells a long rambling backstory for zero reason since captain Lorca abandons him as soon as they escape.

A magic mushroom spreads across the universe. Mushroom. across the universe. I wonder if the writers originally had planed for some quantum veins or multiverse pockets or something more sciency and were told ‘no, make it stupider’ so they came up with a MUSHROOM that grows across the ENTIRETY OF THE UNIVERSE. A mushroom from Earth, no less, that shares 50% of it’s DNA with humans, growing across the entire universe.

Am I supposed to care about Lorca? Cause I don’t. This torture scene isn’t so tense when I don’t care about him. I’d actually be happy if he died and Saru stayed captain. Except Saru turns into a jackass as soon as he’s in the chair. Cool, everyone on this show is jerkoffs to each other. Really enjoyable to watch.

I don’t particularly like any of the characters on this show, come to think of it… hmm. I wonder if they forgot that part about TV shows where you’re supposed to like the characters…

Mudd is an asshole to everyone in the cell, stealing their food and ratting them out to the guards, so Lorca is an asshole to him, and leaves him behind! Yay! Am I supposed to like or feel inspired by any of these shitbags?

How did the tardigrade rehydrate in a vacuum. wtf.

Maybe this is a decent action/war show. It is well produced and there are some cool action scenes and space battles. But when you title it ‘Star Trek: Discovery’ I can’t help but expect the characters to trek around discovering stuff. What I got is not what I expected or wanted, and as a straight action show it’s not good enough or intriguing enough to hold my attention anymore.

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