Star Trek: Discovery, episode 5

War war war war, Michael Burnham war. War, war war war, war spore drive war war. War Klingons war tardigrade war war. Captain Lorca punches Klingons, someone dies, I don’t care. Cue opening credits.

Another ‘exciting’ episode of Star Trek: Discovery, where nothing is discovered, they don’t go anywhere no one has gone before, and instead growl about war and punch each other for 50 minutes.

At least we get Captain Saru this episode! Neat, maybe he’ll take over the ship and run things differently and do sciency things and not care so much about war and whatever boring shit Lorca had planned.

Harry Mudd tells a long rambling backstory for zero reason since captain Lorca abandons him as soon as they escape.

A magic mushroom spreads across the universe. Mushroom. across the universe. I wonder if the writers originally had planed for some quantum veins or multiverse pockets or something more sciency and were told ‘no, make it stupider’ so they came up with a MUSHROOM that grows across the ENTIRETY OF THE UNIVERSE. A mushroom from Earth, no less, that shares 50% of it’s DNA with humans, growing across the entire universe.

Am I supposed to care about Lorca? Cause I don’t. This torture scene isn’t so tense when I don’t care about him. I’d actually be happy if he died and Saru stayed captain. Except Saru turns into a jackass as soon as he’s in the chair. Cool, everyone on this show is jerkoffs to each other. Really enjoyable to watch.

I don’t particularly like any of the characters on this show, come to think of it… hmm. I wonder if they forgot that part about TV shows where you’re supposed to like the characters…

Mudd is an asshole to everyone in the cell, stealing their food and ratting them out to the guards, so Lorca is an asshole to him, and leaves him behind! Yay! Am I supposed to like or feel inspired by any of these shitbags?

How did the tardigrade rehydrate in a vacuum. wtf.

Maybe this is a decent action/war show. It is well produced and there are some cool action scenes and space battles. But when you title it ‘Star Trek: Discovery’ I can’t help but expect the characters to trek around discovering stuff. What I got is not what I expected or wanted, and as a straight action show it’s not good enough or intriguing enough to hold my attention anymore.

The Orville, episode 1

I had zero interest in seeing this show back when the trailer first came out. Though I used to enjoy Family Guy, Seth MacFarlane’s brand of humor (farts, falling down, and mentioning things you’ve heard of before) is just not my thing anymore. But during my constant complaining about Star Trek: Discovery, I keep getting told to watch The Orville. What is going on? Why should any Trek fan want to watch a bunch of idiots making poop jokes and mocking one of my favorite pastimes?

Well, because it doesn’t do that at all.

Yes, there is some goofy humor, but it isn’t gross or stupid or mean, and actually made me laugh a few times. And more importantly, it is spread VERY thin, and gets thinner as the show goes on. It doesn’t do the supremely annoying thing where every dramatic beat has to be punctuated by a joke to break the tension.

Aside from the humor, the other thing I was worried about was the ‘ex wife as first officer’ scenario. I was ready to be sighing continuously at the constant bickering and cruel backstabbing I’d have to endure. But again, it didn’t happen. There is one big argument, and a few little quips, but they are apologetic, they want to work together, they are decent human beings. What a goddamned relief.

More importantly, the show captures that sense of excitement and exploration that is severely lacking in Discovery. You know, the actual discovering. When the captain first undocks the Orville and they fly off to adventure, I almost shed a tear. It’s just the thing I’ve been wanting since I saw the final episode of TNG all those years ago.

MacFarlane must be a Trek fan, because the love is shining through. It’s almost as if the humor is just a trick to get people to pay attention, and then all this interesting sci fi stuff happens.

I’m already looking forward to watching the rest of these episodes far more than I’m looking forward to the next Discovery episode. Because for Discovery, I already know they’ll just be blowing up more Klingons.  But for the Orville I’m wondering, where will they go next?

Star Trek: Discovery, episode 4

Well, I’m still watching.

This episode, once again, keeps dragging me along like an abusive relationship.

I get a little hint of interesting in that the deadly creature in the Captain’s chambers is somehow a giant Tardigrade. This is a super cool idea because Tardigrades are super interesting and I don’t think I’ve seen a Tardigrade monster in sci fi before. Also cool is that Michael doesn’t want to harm the creature, and is more interested in learning about it for curiosity’s sake than cutting it up for war purposes.

But then we’re back to war. The Discovery (a science ship) has a handwavy engine based on magic mushrooms that allows it to instantly appear anywhere in the Galaxy, and we better use that to bomb some Klingons! Nevermind what fans of Trek actually want to see, like, jumping instantly into unknown parts of the galaxy to explore crazy weird planets–no, lets just have some explosions.

Bored!

I keep hoping that just MAYBE one of their jumps will send them somewhere they can’t get back from, and they’ll be forced to do a bit of discovering. But so far we’re just doing war things, with a few interesting science fiction crumbs thrown out for the fans like me to keep us just on this side of starvation.

 

Star Trek: Discovery, episode 2

There were definite moments during this one, where I felt emotional, and excited, and interested. But in the end I was left heaving a big sigh.

This is star TREK, people! Not star WAR.

I am so sick of war. I’m bored and tired and tired and bored. Everything is about war and destruction and weapons and saving the world. I feel a bit misled by the title of “Discovery.”

Yes this is a pilot pair of episodes, where they have to do some crazy action to get people paying attention, but the preview of the rest of the season seemed like… more war. The Klingons are killing thousands! It’s all Michael’s fault! I just want to see intersting, thoughtful aliens and cultures and have interesting philosophies and moral questions. Star Trek was the ONE sci fi show that wasn’t about war and killing and battle. Well, so much for that.

On the plus side, if it didn’t have the label of ‘Star Trek’ tricking me into expecting something thoughtful and intriguing, it would have been a well above average couple episodes. It looked great, the acting was good, the characters fairly memorable, and it actually managed to make me feel something for a ship exploding–which I never do. I’m not sure if it was the characters expressions, the music, or what, but I felt a bit sick and sad when the Europa blew up. Major points there.

Except.

I AM TIRED OF SEEING SPACE SHIPS EXPLODE.

I want to see cool nebuli and weird aliens. I want to be asked questions that challenge my view of life and the universe. I want to be presented with situations that make me look at my morals and ask myself why I believe what I do. PLEASE can we have a science fiction show again that is not about war and fighting! PLEASE!

I’m sure the answer is no, though. So I’ll take what I can get.

At the end of these two episodes I feel like I haven’t even started the show yet. The one character is going to a new ship, so all the characters we met wont even be on the show, I guess?? I suppose we’ll see her redeem herself, learn to control her anger and think before she acts and eventually become captain of her own ship.

I just hope this all happens with a backdrop other than WAR