41

that is the number of countries from which i’ve read novels. i have not tried very hard to hit new countries. if i aimed for it, im sure i could get to 50 this year.

is this a lot? i have no idea. maybe. probably? it is probably a lot for an american, because americans generally seem to be unaware that anyone other than americans are able to read and write.

the world is big. ive seen a very small portion of it, and i want to see more. i want more books and more experiences and more time. i am greedy for more and more. i guess that’s human nature.

the amount of time that swirls unused down the drain as i do pointless work gets more painful every year. but in the end it’s probably impossible to ever be satisfied. even if i could live a thousand years i’d only want more time in the end. i suppose this is also human nature.

in order to soften the pain of this endless and slow bleeding, i make lists. the lists get longer, and i feel better about myself. i have read novels from 41 countries. i have read 24 nobel laureates. i have visited some number of countries. i have read some number of pages this year. i have written some number of words. and the number goes up, and then i feel like i’ve done something with my life.

but please lord protect me from the knowledge of how many hours ive spent washing dishes or sitting in traffic. i don’t know if i could survive the depression.